This is my first post in over a few months and the disappointment of not staying consistent or even showing up at all was what kept me silent day after day. The longer I went without posting anything, the worse I felt about my contribution, or lack there of, to a project that I created and want to become more than just my random thoughts. It’s amazing how easily I can allow myself to believe that my thoughts and dreams aren’t worth sharing and striving for. I find myself spiraling into a pit of isolation and then wonder why I feel so alone all the time. How ironic, right?
Initially, I just wanted to write about my realization of how important it is to choose the right connections in our life and then make sure to nurture them by simply staying connected. I don’t believe in coincidences so there’s a reason why we cross paths with certain people. Sometimes, they just appear for a moment but can leave such a lasting affect on your life that we don’t even notice. Other people come crashing in like tornadoes and flip your whole world upside down just so you are able to see things from a different perspective. Then, there’s some that creep in gradually like the wallflower you always knew was there but had to wait for them to get comfortable in your world. When these individuals finally, if they ever do, start to open up and share themselves with you, it can leave you in awe of the depth and beauty that the rest of the world is missing. Some of the most fascinating and innovative people I’ve had the pleasure of becoming close with have been cast away by the rest of society because of the way they look or fit into some unsavory stereotype. These are usually the people I’m drawn to because they don’t fit the mold. I don’t know exactly what it is about me that makes connecting to people such a natural and easy thing to do. However, I have a problem with continuing to make those connections a priority in my life which means they end up putting in more effort than I do to keep the relationship growing. After so long, people get tired of always being the one who picks up the phone and calls, so the calls become fewer and farther between. Then invites become less often until they drop off completely. All the while, I’m laying in bed depressed because there’s no one around so that means no one loves me. Seriously?!
I don’t know at what point in my life that I became incapable of understanding how to press a sequence of ten numbers on a freaking telephone! Or maybe the cell phones just became too heavy for me to lift up to my ear because my muscles atrophied so badly during my “me-me-me” pathetic pity parties. Party of one, of course, cause I never picked up the phone to invite anyone else. It’s like I just expect people to know when I need someone to talk to or I’m going through a difficult time. Well, I’ll just let you know….they don’t. You may be able to name off every problem, or struggle, or disappointment that your circle of friends are dealing with, but that’s because they reached out to you. Once again, the effort is one-sided. How long do you think a friend is going to come to you in confidence with some seriously heavy stuff if your life appears perfect and they need someone who can empathize with whatever they’re feeling? I can answer that question easily cause it doesn’t take long at all for them to go elsewhere.
I’m saying all these things about staying connected because it’s what I need to hear and what I have to keep practicing every day. It takes two to tango, right? Well, if one partner isn’t putting in the same amount of effort to dance seamlessly across the floor, it’s brutally obvious. And when we form connections, we must be mindful of what that means. When there is more than one piece to a whole, there must be connections to hold it together as one. I like to believe that everything in this universe is ultimately one piece to a whole. That means we all have to work on the relationships that are important to us and show it by putting in the effort to make those connections as solid as possible, unbreakable. People are our greatest resource in this world so why aren’t we putting as much time and energy into how we treat the people we care about like they deserve? I know this is something I need to really pay attention to and be hyper aware of because I’ve actually lost friends for not ever being the one who called the other one. And it really is that simple. Pick up the phone and call someone. Send a random text. Do whatever you have to do to stay connected to the ones you love because that’s what proves how much you’re willing to do or how far you’re willing to go to keep that connection alive. It matters.