Time Warp!

Okay, so it’s happened once again! Every clock I own has decided to choose its own original time zone or something cause they’re all set at different hours! This must be a yearly tradition I wasn’t clued in on. I think it was about a year ago that I got caught in the same sort of time warp, but I can’t be sure about that of course. I just remember getting so mad that “someone” must’ve surely changed the clock in my car to purposely make me late to wherever I had to be. Like I actually had somewhere to be back then that was so important to make any difference what time I made it there! Lmao!

Well, I’m not exactly sure how long it took me this year to realize that Time had set up another one of its secret meetings to throw my world all outta wack. At least this time I was more worried about how long every clock was set hours apart than “who” would do such a horrible thing! It makes me laugh just thinking about how angry I got over the clock in my car being a little off!

This mysterious event in my life brings up a very interesting subject though. We live in a society that places great importance on time and schedules and busy lifestyles where deadlines make us rush around everywhere we go and still worry about getting as many things done as possible that day.

What would happen if we just took Time out of the equation? What if Time simply didn’t exist anymore? What would life look like if we weren’t constrained by seconds, minutes, hours, and we all just did things at our own pace? How much in life do we actually miss because of this imprisoning concept that kills our freedom?

I’m interested in hearing what everyone else thinks about this idea. Enlighten me with some good arguments. Let’s get up and go outside the box today! Who needs that darn box anyway? Throw it out the window and then send me your thoughts. Have a great day ALL!

My love and light goes out to you always!

Staying Connected

This is my first post in over a few months and the disappointment of not staying consistent or even showing up at all was what kept me silent day after day. The longer I went without posting anything, the worse I felt about my contribution, or lack there of, to a project that I created and want to become more than just my random thoughts. It’s amazing how easily I can allow myself to believe that my thoughts and dreams aren’t worth sharing and striving for. I find myself spiraling into a pit of isolation and then wonder why I feel so alone all the time. How ironic, right?

Initially, I just wanted to write about my realization of how important it is to choose the right connections in our life and then make sure to nurture them by simply staying connected. I don’t believe in coincidences so there’s a reason why we cross paths with certain people. Sometimes, they just appear for a moment but can leave such a lasting affect on your life that we don’t even notice. Other people come crashing in like tornadoes and flip your whole world upside down just so you are able to see things from a different perspective. Then, there’s some that creep in gradually like the wallflower you always knew was there but had to wait for them to get comfortable in your world. When these individuals finally, if they ever do, start to open up and share themselves with you, it can leave you in awe of the depth and beauty that the rest of the world is missing. Some of the most fascinating and innovative people I’ve had the pleasure of becoming close with have been cast away by the rest of society because of the way they look or fit into some unsavory stereotype. These are usually the people I’m drawn to because they don’t fit the mold. I don’t know exactly what it is about me that makes connecting to people such a natural and easy thing to do. However, I have a problem with continuing to make those connections a priority in my life which means they end up putting in more effort than I do to keep the relationship growing. After so long, people get tired of always being the one who picks up the phone and calls, so the calls become fewer and farther between. Then invites become less often until they drop off completely. All the while, I’m laying in bed depressed because there’s no one around so that means no one loves me. Seriously?!

I don’t know at what point in my life that I became incapable of understanding how to press a sequence of ten numbers on a freaking telephone! Or maybe the cell phones just became too heavy for me to lift up to my ear because my muscles atrophied so badly during my “me-me-me” pathetic pity parties. Party of one, of course, cause I never picked up the phone to invite anyone else. It’s like I just expect people to know when I need someone to talk to or I’m going through a difficult time. Well, I’ll just let you know….they don’t. You may be able to name off every problem, or struggle, or disappointment that your circle of friends are dealing with, but that’s because they reached out to you. Once again, the effort is one-sided. How long do you think a friend is going to come to you in confidence with some seriously heavy stuff if your life appears perfect and they need someone who can empathize with whatever they’re feeling? I can answer that question easily cause it doesn’t take long at all for them to go elsewhere.

I’m saying all these things about staying connected because it’s what I need to hear and what I have to keep practicing every day. It takes two to tango, right? Well, if one partner isn’t putting in the same amount of effort to dance seamlessly across the floor, it’s brutally obvious. And when we form connections, we must be mindful of what that means. When there is more than one piece to a whole, there must be connections to hold it together as one. I like to believe that everything in this universe is ultimately one piece to a whole. That means we all have to work on the relationships that are important to us and show it by putting in the effort to make those connections as solid as possible, unbreakable. People are our greatest resource in this world so why aren’t we putting as much time and energy into how we treat the people we care about like they deserve? I know this is something I need to really pay attention to and be hyper aware of because I’ve actually lost friends for not ever being the one who called the other one. And it really is that simple. Pick up the phone and call someone. Send a random text. Do whatever you have to do to stay connected to the ones you love because that’s what proves how much you’re willing to do or how far you’re willing to go to keep that connection alive. It matters.

Relapse, Regroup, Restart

A fellow blogger informed me that “the day starts at sundown and ends at the next one,” so apparently I won’t be able to claim Day 1 again until tomorrow evening. I just wanted to post a quick follow-up to my First Publicly Blogged attempt to get clean and stay that way. From my post title, it’s obvious that I faltered and allowed my disease to win like so many times before. But I’m not giving up and everytime I fail, it just means I’m that much closer to success. Pray for me through this day so I may be able to share a small victory with other addicts that know what a miracle one day can be when you’re in recovery and learning how to live life, point blank. I’ll share more about my choices and what happened over the past two weeks that led to my blog coming to an abrupt halt. Gotta save it for tomorrow though after I get some much needed rest.

Thank you for all your support and prayers! All my love!

Lost words

The words used to flow so freely from my mind and through my hands onto the page. After the chemo, the medication, the illicit drugs, and the health conditions that have all affected my memory, my concentration, and the speed of thought, it has become such a struggle to write anymore. It takes forever to find the that perfect word I have on the tip of my tongue and I remember a day when 10 page papers were a breeze to me. It’s painful when your passion becomes a difficult reminder of how much your brain has changed over the past 20 years or so. I have so many thoughts spinning around up there but focusing enough to get them down on paper is a serious chore. Writing used to be a release for me, a therapy session with myself. Now I find myself getting frustrated because I can’t find the ‘right’ words to express what I’m trying to say.

What do you do when your passion has become a painful process for you?

Perception

Sometimes you just need to talk to a 3-year-old so you can understand life again…

Hope

Hope is what happens when you first see a light,
Just a distant, small star in the darkest of night.

Hope is what happens with the first buds of spring,
When dawn touches the sky or a bird spreads its wings.

Hope is what happens when a wound starts to heal,
Whether skin deep or soul deep, you begin to feel real.

Hope is what happens when you’re poor but not broken.
There’s a goldmine of dreams still yet to be awakened.

Hope is what happens when someone is kind,
A feeling not lost, just misplaced in your mind.

Hope is what happens when war turns to peace,
After everyone prayed that the fighting would cease.

Hope is what happens with the smell of fresh rain,
When your long drought of dreams is renewed yet again.

Hope is what happens when clouds finally clear.
Troubled thunder falls silent, courageous whispers you hear.

Hope is what happens when fresh bread is baking,
And what hungers your heart will someday stop aching.

Hope is what happens when kindling ignites.
You rediscover your passion that burns day and night.

Hope is what happens when the pain eases a bit,
And deep down inside, you find your true grit.

Hope is what happens as long as we breathe,
For although it takes time, the sorrow will leave.

Hope is what happens long after the pain…

Hope is what happens, again and again…

~ Catherine DeVrye