Fuck the filter when it’s all the truth and it always has been. What changes is the voice of a storyteller over time. Be careful though. Prying minds might unleash a vault of emotions that isn’t safe for anyone to unlock.
I spent the majority of my life trying to run away from my problems thinking that some change of scenery would change what was wrong in my life. And yet everywhere I went, there I was. Why it never occurred to me that I was the common denominator through all of it will always haunt my intelligence.
You can’t run away from yourself, stupid! And your body can’t even handle walking up three flights of stairs to your apartment. What makes you think you’ll be able to outrun anything at this point in your life?
So I finally stopped all that insanity and instead I started exercising with my demons. As much as I don’t want to admit it, they are a part of me. If I ever want to learn how to control my bipolar disorder, I have to accept and understand the darkness that comes with it. I just have to allow myself to feel. But when your emotions are so intense that they seem to swallow you whole, it’s hard to remember that they’re only temporary. The light will always return. No actually, it never leaves. It just travels along my spectrum of extremes waiting for its chance to shine.
I’m all about changing the perception our world has of mental illness. We need to start teaching kids that crazy is the new cool! People need to know that our depression and mania is due to our sensitivity to feelings that are extreme and deep and overwhelming. In my opinion, what society calls an illness is in actuality a God-given gift. We didn’t ask to be born this way but it makes us special and should never be looked down upon. I proudly claim my crazy because it makes me who I am. It’s a part of us that we can’t just turn on and off whenever it’s convenient. Society needs a better understanding of what it means to live a life of mental disarray. I consider us warriors for battling an inner war day after day and continuing to live the best we can when it has taken the lives of so many.
Trust in God. He sends angels to our aid when we most need them. You’re only alone when you don’t give anyone a chance to help you. Break the cycle that’s breaking you. Baby steps in the right direction are better than a familiar step toward ultimate destruction. Choose to take control of your life by letting go of what controls you. Scars are earned; they prove you fought through the pain and overcame. Become the warrior that’s been hidden deep inside. Unlock the doors that hold memories unwanted. Open the floodgates with deserving tears, allowing them to soak the solid ground you stand on. Break down the walls that block out moments your fear has cunningly kept from you.
It’s time to face the demons and whatever else you’ve hidden from yourself. With God by your side, you will not falter or be overwhelmed. You will meet the challenges that come along the way and know that with each one down, you come that much closer to who you’re meant to be. It’s not a race. Live at your own pace. This process is yours and you have the faith to drive through it. Love fearlessly and be proud of YOU!