Secret Admirer

Well, it appears that I’ve attracted a secret admirer somehow and I don’t really know how to feel about it. This week I found six roses on the ground behind my apartment building. It was so random that I keep questioning if they were put there for me to find. My first reaction was fueled by my overactive paranoia so I jumped immediately to “STALKER!” If it weren’t for some past experiences with that problem, I might not have been so quick to think the roses were a bad sign. Or set up an IP camera behind my sliding glass door to catch any movement near my patio. I don’t have the slightest clue how I convinced myself that I’d be able to catch the “stalker” hanging out behind my apartment like it was some daily occurrence or something. And how would I be able to say who left the roses when I couldn’t even tell you how many neighbors I have and where they live. The best example of how ridiculous my mind works is that I actually believed a camera recording would protect me from some unknown threat. Threat? Really? After I came to my senses, I realized I was probably taking the gesture in the opposite direction from what was intended. I should be flattered. And I truly am now. I only wish I knew who placed the roses on the ground and if they were really meant for me.

Middle of the Fire

Dancing in the middle of the fire,
Praying to God that I don’t get burned.
Sitting in a cloud of smoke,
As the world around me still continues to turn….

Where do I go from here,
When I don’t even know where I am?
How do I tell someone what I want to do,
When I don’t even know who the hell I am?
I don’t know how to live or love or be myself,
Without playing with the chemicals inside my brain.
So used to my own warped sense of reality,
That I can’t simply stop and just abstain.
It shouldn’t have to be this hard
To let go of something that’s killing me.
But I keep straying down the same old path,
Going where I was never supposed to be.

Dancing in the middle of the fire,
Praying to God that I don’t get burned.
Sitting in a cloud of smoke,
As the world around me still continues to turn….

I can’t turn back now,
Even though I wish I could.
I turn around and it’s the same old shit,
Ending up in the same damn spot I’ve always stood.
I need a future that isn’t based on constant lies,
Where I can change what life I have here
Into something that might make my family proud.
I need a life that’s free from fear!
This wasn’t what I was meant to be!
Capable of so much more,
With a purpose that’s been stifled,
And kept me down when I’m supposed to soar!

Dancing in the middle of the fire,
Praying to God that I don’t get burned.
Sitting in a cloud of smoke,
As the world around me still continues to turn….

Wanting to crawl out of the shadows I’m shackled in,
To blind myself with the shining sun.
Please someone come help me before it’s too late.
Before I fear it’s all been said and done.
Rain pour down and flood this fire!
Let my love be meant for something more!
Pour down like the tears I’ve already wasted,
On people, on times, on nothing to live for.
Wash my sins away and each regret,
So as to know my smile is real.
Take off this mask I hide behind.
Show me the way I haven’t figure out just yet.

Dancing in the middle of the fire,
Praying to God that I don’t get burned.
Sitting in a cloud of smoke,
As the world around me still continues to turn….